"The Rage"

I have it.

Big style.

You know what I am talking about don't you ladies? The red swirling mist that descends once a month or so, turning you from a perfectly, sane, rational, (semi) intelligent woman to a screaming, wailing fishwife-come-banshee.  

Just the very sound of someone so much as breathing within a 25 metre radius of me is enough to set me off. Children screeching, dogs yapping, even people daring to make friendly conversation with me - they all get short shrift. 

Today I very nearly rabbit-punched a woman in front of me in the supermarket for taking too long to find her purse. I'm only half-joking.

Yes people. I have severe PMT. 

I know it affects most people at one time or another but once every few months it really affects me. Sure, I get slightly crabby most months - Mr M gives me the benefit of the doubt, takes everything I say with pinch of salt and knows that in a day or two things will improve but this is different. Way different. When this particular type of red mist descends the anger that I feel inside at the most minor of irritations is incredible, even by my standards. I turn into an uber-bitch. I'm fully aware of it, and so is Mr M who keeps a safe distance in case a knife should be thrown at his noggin or he gets a smack on the head from a heavy based wok, because I have admitted in the past that I have this irrational urge to lash out.

The poor children are obviously on the receiving end too, when even the silly behaviour that is customary in young children (and in any other circumstances, cute) can send me round the twist and I'm sure they wonder who put the spoonful of CRAZY into mummy's tea that morning, but on the whole they ride it out pretty well. Which is lucky really. I couldn't really cope with a mutiny on my hands today.

All joking aside, it's a horrible way to feel and I feel wretched that I have no control over these feelings and emotions that I inflict on my loved ones. Some days I feel a huge weight is crushing my chest and I suffer from irrational anxiety. You know, when you feel like you're doomed, or something terrible is going to happen.  On the upside, I know that in a week or so this will have passed - it's only temporary insanity but I do wish I didn't have to go through this every month or so.  It wasn't always this way, it's only after having my second child that I even started displaying symptoms of PMT but the thought of years and years of this ahead of me? That's pretty sad.

I know I am not alone in suffering from "The Rage" so big love to anyone else there who needs it, and know that you are also not alone in wanting to seriously maim your husband every now and again.

love & kisses

Mrs M x