Tuesday, 9 July 2013

It is never too late to be what you might have been...

....or so said a wise woman, certainly one a lot wiser than me.

Do you ever get the feeling you're getting lost? Just stumbling through life with no direction? Because I do and I've been feeling it for a while but I don't know how to overcome it. 

Recently I can't help but feel something is missing from my life. 

Don't get me wrong I am happy, very happy. I am fortunate enough to have a wonderful, supportive husband, two beautiful children, a lovely home, financial security and we have a really joyful family life, spending lots of time with our children and going on great adventures - that side is pretty much perfect. On the other hand, I have a job that whilst I don't really hate as such gives me no satisfaction, intellectual stimulation or feels of any value. My job will always be the crappy job it is - there are no career prospects for me here and I am unqualified to do anything else.  After having my children, and returning to the same place of employment I was pretty much sidelined. I'd leave if I could but in all honesty I am overpaid with amazing perks and whilst I know that's not the be all and end all, the good things we enjoy like trips to Florida for the children would probably have to stop. It would be a lot to give up.

I guess I just feel that I am not moving forward in life.  Fast-forward the clock by about 10 years and I wonder how different my life will be. It frightens me to think that it may not have changed at all.  There's a sense of underachievement all the time. I want to achieve more, I want to do more, I want to be proud of myself, but I'm not.  Time is marching on and I appear to be standing still. Part of the problem is that I don't even know what it is I want to achieve. I've never had a skill or a talent and I just feel like an incredibly boring person.

I'm losing my way with my blog too. I no longer have the words, I don't know what I want to talk about and am just feeling a bit meh with everything at the moment.  When I write a long, detailed or heartfelt post it doesn't really get any reaction or comment so there's that feeling that I'm just talking to myself and it's hard to muster up the enthusiasm to write. Of course, I don't just blog for others but we wouldn't be human if we didn't feel like we needed some form of validation from time to time.

Apologies for the maudlin post. I'm okay really but I just need help in rediscovering my mojo - I know it's in there somewhere. 

Any advice?


  1. I think you need to consider everything. Yes, the money is nice but if you're unhappy at work, life is too short to be miserable there. How much exactly is all that extra money worth if the job means you're miserable? What price do you put on your happiness?

    I have life coach training and what I used to do with people was to get them to complete the wheel of life which scores the main 8 areas of your life out of 10 then make you consider why that is and you do soon see the connections between those areas. I also ask people to work out what they need to change to increase the score - maybe not to 10, but at least to an acceptable level - if they are unhappy with the score.

    Whilst money is an enabler, it isn't the be all and end all. Yes, if you did something else, you might have less money coming in although that might possibly be a short term thing. If you found something that filled you with passion and made you really happy, you would make do with less, or you might be really good at it and would quickly be able to increase your earnings. And don't forget, you could reduce your costs by commuting a shorter distance, spending less on lunches etc etc.

    Another way to tackle it is to try and describe your ideal life 5 years from now. There may be small steps you could take now to move towards that.

    Good luck.

  2. GiddyAuntLola9 July 2013 11:41

    Like you, I am lucky enough to be secure and have a lovely family life. However, this has not been enough for me and I regularly have the 'lost feeling', as if I am drifting. Especially as I approach 50 this year - big questions arise; what have I done with my life? etc etc I think I have tackled this partly by trying new things and stepping out of my comfort zone. I joined my local amateur dramatic society 2 years ago and this has challenged me, taken me out of my usual hum drum activities and given me a whole new load of people to get to know. I started running this year for the first time in my life and went back to my studies with the Open University. Not for everyone, but it worked in helping me kick my way out of the big pit I felt I was stuck in. Starting my blog, a month ago, was something I had been itching to do, but was full of self doubt about. YOU are one of my role models in the blogging world; I aspire to be as successful as you are, with my blog. I don't know how you maintain your blogging vavavoom over an extended period of time; it must be difficult to feel fresh about it. Sorry for the rambling comment, but I suppose I am just saying that change and new challenges have given me the boost I needed to set me off in a new direction as I approach a new decade. You have never come across as boring for one second in your blog and it seems to me that you must be a pretty creative person to have been as successful as you are. With much appreciation for you and your blog, Sharon x

  3. I have only recently found your blog but I wanted to let you know that you are not alone in the way you are feeling. I also feel like I am stuck somewhere. I have a great life, am very happy with my oh, we have lovely holidays and good friends but I am dissatisfied with my job. Again there is no room for movement and I have great perks plus the idea of moving scares the wits out of me. I have thought about going back to education but to what end since I have never decided what I want to be when I grow up.

    I realise I am offering you no hints and tips of what to do to improve your situation but hopefully knowing you are not alone will help a little

  4. Hang in there. I suspect our mojos are on holiday together drinking colourful cocktails and doing karaoke :) I fully expect mine to return at some point sporting a suntan and some duty-free by way of apology for f*cking off unexpectedly and for so long.

    Holidays abroad are not the be all and end all, you know. Your kids can have perfectly happy and fulfilling childhood without you having to stay in a job that gives you no real satisfaction other than financial.

    I appreciate that climbing out of a rut can be hard.

  5. I get like this every autumn. Thankfully I now recognise it as it has made me pretty miserable in the past. I think it is because for years something happened then (back to school, back to uni, moving house etc.) I tend to apply for lots of jobs I can't do and look at rightmove obsessively.

    For the rest of it, what do you really want to do? I am now self employed and that helps a bit - like getting back control.

    Your blog is great and you are missed 'elsewhere' too :-)

  6. Jenni Murdison10 July 2013 01:55

    Your mussings are always read, but I'm unfortunately one of those who rarely comments, Sorry. However, it is never to late to shake things up :o) I have recently realised that in order to be where I need to be when my husband leaves armed forces employment I need to get back into education, whilst some friends are supportive, one in particular has been very negative (mostly due to student debt) and while this is hard I have to remember that this is for me after several years feeling very unfulfilled. You must do what's best for you and I agree with other commenters' that you need to determine whats most important to you and your family members, because money makes things easier but it doesn't make you happy x

  7. Cybèle de Jong10 July 2013 08:38

    Two thoughts that came to mind immediately: I don't think you work fulltime and your children are at school - am I right? So, how about retraining for something that you do find interesting? I don't think you're ever too old to enter education again, and if it's something you really want to do, you'll find time for it.
    Alternatively, how about doing some volunteering? I had to write a blog post about volunteering recently as part of blogging every day, and it made me realised I've volunteered pretty much all the time since I was about 18. At the moment I'm a volunteer visitor for Independent Age and find that very worthwhile. Sure, it gets a bit boring sometimes when you get told the same story for the third time that visit, but when you see the joy you give those elderly people just by coming to see them for a cup of tea and a chat, I'm so glad I give up a little bit of time for them. It's not for everyone, but I think volunteering is for everyone :-)
    Hope you feel better soon!

  8. Claire Thorpe10 July 2013 11:06

    I too have only just found your blog and look forward to your posts and I am one of those terrible people that doesn't comment on anything - but if it makes you feel any better I have been doing my blog for months and months and not one person has ever commented!! i do feel like I am talking to myself!

    I think everyone goes through the dissatisfied bit in their lives - I too have a lot to be thankful for ( have a daughter at 40 thought it would never happen!) My job before I was pregnant was horrid and made me really unhappy , I was made redundant thankfully although now I have to find something else and haven't a clue what to do! - Gin & Tonic tasting in exotic locations would be a fab job.... Ha ha ... Hang on in there. Things will happen when you least expect them to.....

  9. I felt sad when I read this post. It is so hard to make huge changes especially if you have young children. I know the feeling you have. I had it once. (I don't now!!!) Sometimes, though you feel you are just there as a kind of appendage to everyone else to enable them to get own etc. No. Do a few things for yourself. A course, maybe?
    And please keep on with your blog.

  10. Ten years is a hell of a long time, if you want to change from where you are now then I am sure you can achieve something in that time. Perhaps you could write down all the things that you are good at, love doing or would love to do that would give you the sense of achievement and happiness that you are after. Then I would start searching for work that in involves those skills and wants. There are so many jobs out there that I am sure that many of us have never heard of, you only have to look in some of the job sections in the national newspapers and some of them sound amazing but not what you may have ever considered as a career move.

    If you need a break/pause from blogging then you can! It is is your blog, and you don't need to apologise for being maudlin we are all like that at some point and it makes your blog real.

  11. Hi Mrs M, I think what you're suffering from is known as the human condition... and happens as we get older. I look at my daughter and can't help but be a little envious of her self-confidence and life. On the other side I have my parents of 82 who are starting to struggle with life and I can see what's ahead!

    Good luck, I've only discovered your blog today so I will keep reading it and comment :-) I also find reading the classics helps - they deal with life, death and love and put things into perspective. Especially Dickens......


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