Friday, 31 March 2006

Bedhead

My my, its been a whole week since I lasted posted. To be fair, not a lot has gone on in my world this week apart from the fact that I am as sick as the proverbial pooch. Yes, I have a stinky wretched cold, I have lost my voice (which some might say is a blessing from above..), I look like I have swallowed a few golf balls and my head feels like I have drank one to many glasses of Jacobs Creek. So I have resolved to spend this happy day, that being Friday, in bed. In bed, with my baby, my laptop and Jeremy Kyle. You've got to love wireless internet.

And why shouldn't I spend all day in bed? My new domestic goddess/stepford wife/Anthea Turner regime has gone right out of the window this week so I will attempt to pick that up again on Monday when hopefully I will not be feeling like death warmed up and may actually have a little bit more get up and go in me. But then, I wouldn't spend too long holding your breath. On the plus side, my golf ball glands prevent me from swallowing anything made from a substance thicker than water and I am hoping that the silver lining to feeling like a bag of crap will be that this will have a lovely positive effect on my mummy tummy. Here is hoping.

Here is to a day of daytime TV - Cash in the Attic, Bargain Hunt and my personal favourite - Car Booty. On another point, can anyone please tell me why every programme I watch on telly these days seems to contain one certain young chappy commonly (or not so commonly) known as Ben Fogle? I swear that guy stalks me through the TV channels - everytime I change the station there he is! Just looming out of the telly at me. Not that I am complaining, I find him pretty easy on the eye.


Thank heavens above for Sky TV where you can always find an episode of Friends, Will and Grace, or if you are really stuck, there is always Charmed.

And on that note, so I retire to bed.....

love & kisses
Mrs M x

Friday, 24 March 2006

Bringing up baby


Yesterday literally was a day from hell. It started off rather poorly when little miss decided to vomit all over herself - this is the point where I should have gone back to bed. It was Mr M's Grandmas funeral, which was obviously a very emotional event after which we decided to pick the little madam up and take her to the do afterwards. My normally happy, smiley, content baby had turned into the devil child in the one short hour she had spent being looked after by a relative (note to self: remove said relative from the babysitters list...). She cried, grizzled, moaned and whinged her way through the whole day right up until 11pm when she decided to end the day as it started - head to toe in vomit. I can't pretend that giving her away to the nearest passing stranger hadn't crossed my mind. But luckily, for both her and me, she has resumed normal service, and is smiling again!

Today, I am meant (meant) to be working. Yes, I agreed to work a little bit during maternity leave but it's kind of turned into a large amount of work instead of the small bit it should have been. just cannot get motivated. Which is a slight problem as my accounts need to be sent off today and they are nowhere near being done. Oh dear.

And I am also keeping a beady eye on an Ebay auction that I am bidding on, I never win these stupid things but I suspect that's because of all those snipers out there - I mean auction snipers and not actual men with guns. I am trying to buy a set of Baby Einstein DVD's for little miss to watch as she has decided to become a telly addict. I figured Baby Einstein would be a bit more educational for her to watch rather than her choice last night which was Footballers Wives followed by Ramsays Kitchen Nightmares. My babies first word is likely to be f*ck or hello said is a very wishy washy voice as that seems to be all I say all day to her.

Tomorrow consists of meeting a rather large gaggle of mummy's that I met on the Internet when I was pregnant. We are meeting in the very glamourous cosmopolitan city otherwise known as Birmingham. If you are around the Broad Street/Brindley Place area of Brum tomorrow, WATCH OUT if a gang of 18 stomping women and 18 whinging children should start heading in your direction.

love & kisses
Mrs M x

Tuesday, 21 March 2006

Guide to being a Stepford Wife


Whilst idly surfing the world wide interweb during the dark hours of the morning, I found a rather pleasant article full of handy advice, which I felt I really must share with you. It tells us the secrets that we need to know to enable us to keep our men happy. Enjoy.

How to Be a Good Housewife and Keep Your Man Happy

  • Try to spend some time each day making yourself look pretty. It is all too easy to stop paying attention to your appearance when you have a man, but that kind of behavior makes men look elsewhere. Wear makeup and clothes that he likes you to wear. A lot of women would do well to wear skirts more often as many men hate women wearing trousers. Good grooming is vital, so keep yourself neat and feminine by having a pretty hair-do, cut and manicured nails, and smooth legs/underarms.
  • Learn how to cook, and make sure you have a meal on the table when he gets home from work. It is often said that the way to a man's heart is his stomach, and it is true! Microwave meals are not suitable cuisine, so find a recipe book you like and start experimenting.
  • Be mindful of your man's needs. Lots of men need space when they come home from a hard day at work, so don't harass him when he arrives home. Have his favorite drink ready, and let him chill out in front of the TV, or read his newspaper. If he wants to spend time with his friends and not you, take a step back and let him do what he wants - just make sure you have refreshments ready for when he and his friends need them.
  • Listen to him. A good wife listens to what their man has to say without interrupting. If he wants your advice, he'll ask for it.
  • Improve your skills in the bedroom. There are lots of books and website which can help you improve your sexual technique and get in touch with your inner passion.
  • Let him take control of certain situations. There are times when a man will want to be in control, for example when he is driving, and doesn't need your smart comments.
  • Keep the house tidy and pleasant to be in. There is no excuse for your man to come home to a mess, so make friends with your vacuum and feather duster.
  • Be nice and respectful to his friends, but never flirt with them.

Tips

  • Show him how much you appreciate his love by treating him to a regular massage.
  • Make sure his favorite food and drinks are always available.
  • Breakfast in bed at the weekends is a great way to make your man feel good.
  • If your man buys you a gift, show how grateful you are by making use of it (even if you don't like it) so that you do not offend him.
  • If you argue, apologise as soon as possible.
  • Do not complain about his favourite TV shows - let him watch them in peace.
  • If he is stuck late, remember to tape his shows for him. Watch something else while it's recording, or leave the TV off, so you can watch together when he gets home.

Warnings

  • If you don't respect your man, you may lose him.
  • Do not become overly obsessed with keeping things his way. If you do this, you will risk losing your own happiness. Try to keep the two equal. Balance his happiness with your happiness.
  • Remember, you're his wife, not his slave. Your own happiness is just as important as his. Make sure he's pulling his weight in the relationship and taking care of you and your needs as well.
Ladies, go forth and please your men!

love & kisses

Mrs M x

Saturday, 18 March 2006

The domestic goddess...

I have decided to turn over a new leaf, well that is the plan anyway. I am going to be come a domestic goddess, the perfect stereotypical 1950's housewife and it starts tomorrow. Just slap me on the arse with a feather duster and call me Nigella (or Kim, or Aggie or even Delia if you so wish).

What has prompted this? Well I do not know, I guess I am just sick of living in crap and yearn to be just like Anthea Turner and be "The Perfect Housewife". I am in the middle of finalising my new regime but until then, enjoy this...Anthea's Top Tips - guaranteed to turn you into the perfect housewife that you know is deep down inside you somewhere...



Anthea Turner's 
Top Ten Tips 

1. You can’t run a home that’s a mess, so first of all you have to de-clutter it. If it’s not beautiful, useful or seriously sentimental, it goes. Charity shop or bin - you decide!

2. There's no getting away from it: you have to clean. People who say "oh, my house is a bit of a mess, but I’m really clean" are talking rubbish because you can’t have a tidy house if it’s not clean.

3. Make the house into a home. Consider your house from an aesthetic point of view. Rearranging furniture, adding some candles, or making even small tweaks can really make the difference.

4. Run a home like you would a small business and treat it with the same seriousness. If you’re job-juggling, then it’s obviously more difficult than if you're a full-time housewife/husband. If you are a housewife, take pride in that.

5. Storage is important. Whether it’s cushions you only use outside in the summer, or blankets that only come out in the winter, you’ve always got to think of where to store them. Try vacuum-packing to save space. Wicker baskets are marvellous for putting things in. If everybody knows where everything is kept you can avoid wasting time looking for things.

6. Think about how you run your home. Could it be done more efficiently? In the series, one househusband keeps all his shoe-cleaning things in a lounge drawer but, of course, he cleans his shoes in the kitchen. Be practical.

7. It’s also about team work. When children get to a certain age they can help by putting dirty washing in the right place and making their own beds. The first rule of management is delegation. Don’t try and do everything yourself because you can’t.

8. Don't use too many household cleaning products which are harmful to the environment. Try cleaning with vinegar, or just use one damp cloth swilled in cold water and one dry cloth. For cleaning windows and mirrors, you can’t beat scrunched-up newspaper, dampened down with some white vinegar and water.

9. Avoid wastage. If you’re cutting up a lemon, put the left-over half into the dishwasher. It adds a little ting and sparkle in your wash.

10. Domestic paperwork (bills, guarantees, insurance) is very important, so don't avoid it! A proper family diary with everyone’s events and parties in it really helps organise the household.

Friday, 17 March 2006

Bleach, babies & blarney

Day Two of my new regime....and I am having a break. In my defence, I have to work today but I did get a good start yesterday - I did all the washing, cleaned the toilets, and changed the bed linen. That was a bloody good effort for me! Tuesdays are meant to be ironing and cleaning the bathrooms but they will just have to run over till tomorrow, only, I am going to my friends tomorrow. Aha they will have to run into Thursday - but I am going to funeral. So Friday it is, however I will also have Wednesday and Thursdays jobs to do. I can see this housekeeping malarky is not going to fit round my hectic daily schedule. Perhaps a rethink is in order.

Two of my friends have had babies this week, both girls. I think there is a serious Baby Girl Boom this year. In 15 years time it seems like my poor little lady is going to have to fight tooth and nail to get her hands on a boyfriend, the competition will be stiff. They say that for every 100 girls born there are 105 boys born yet everyone appears to be popping out girls left, right and centre. Incidentally I have always wondered exactly who the 'they' is that we here so much about? Answers on a postcard please.

Thursday, 16 March 2006

Oh happy day!


The past few days, to put it bluntly have been pretty crap and I'm feeling fed up, for the following reasons.

1. Mr M's Grandma died at the age of 88. Yes she had a long life but the last 30 years hadnt been particularly kind to her after she lost her husband in a tragic farming accident and at the age of 86 she gets cancer. She was in a lot of pain so its good that it is now over for her, but it still stinks.

2. Work are being investigated by those lovely people at HMR&C, which means my lovely peaceful maternity leave is being obliterated by answering tons of queries, digging out files out of the archive and generally trying to dig the company out of the rather large hole it has fallen into.

3. My daughter is still suffering from constipation which means I have had to take her off her hungry baby food which in turn means, no more uninterrupted sleep for me! The last few nights have been awful and I am like a walking zombie today, oh what I wouldn't give for a good nights sleep.

4. Mr M has a stinking cold again, poor guy. He has been so ill over the past few weeks.

5. My friends from my ante natal class are coming round tomorrow for lunch (what do you put in a vegetarians sarnies, apart from cheese that is???) and the house looks like a cess pit. But I have no motivation.

I'm hoping tomorrow is a better day!

love & kisses
Mrs M x